


Lonely Eyes and a Save Me Smile

by KalanchoeBlossfeldiana



Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chocolate, Coffee, Dreams, Eddie has a lot of feelings to sort out, Grief/Mourning, Impromptu Trips to the Woods, In the spirit of hp lovecraft I abuse the comma button, Missing Scene, Nightmares, Other, Pining, Reflection, Terrible Sleeping Schedules, they/them pronouns for venom, we all know venom lives tho like, when u have lovecraftian nightmares but they just make u miss ur bae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 02:29:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19097920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KalanchoeBlossfeldiana/pseuds/KalanchoeBlossfeldiana
Summary: “I’m telling you, I’m fine, okay? Besides, what’s there to talk about anyway?” Eddie said, a slight manic edge slipping into his voice. “I met an alien, we saved the world, and now they’re gone. Happens all the time, right?”“Yeah, nothing in that sentence worth broaching at all,” Anne deadpanned.(AKA another fic about the limbo zone between the rocket explosion and Eddie's revelation that Venom isn't dead.)





	Lonely Eyes and a Save Me Smile

**Author's Note:**

> I realized halfway through writing this that a few lines at the end of the first section reads like suicidal ideation, so look out for that if you're sensitive. Stay safe.

It was a beautiful night. The sky was crystal clear, reflecting its infinite darkness into the bay. The water lapped gently against the shore in soothing rhythm. The darkness was broken only by the lights of the city, shining like drops of molten glass against the sky.

This all meant nothing to Eddie Brock. He stared vacantly at the horizon, thinking only of what had happened here weeks ago.

Eddie stood in the water. He had walked in until it had reached a little below his knees. His shoes sat on the sand, perfectly dry, but the jeans he wore were unfortunately soaked through. He had not intended on going this far in. Truthfully, he hadn’t intended on going here at all. It had just sort of… happened. 

Eddie couldn’t decide if it felt like yesterday or years since he’d last been with the symbiote. It was strange, going from having two people in his head to being alone again. It was even stranger knowing that his other had died for him before he could fully understand why.

What about him could possibly change a homicidal alien hellbent on Earth’s destruction into a selfless hero in... what? hours? less?

He just wished they’d had more time.

He just wishes he hadn’t felt through their bond the way the fire had pulled them apart, molecule by molecule, until there was nothing left because the feelings of resignation-determination-devotion refused to give and they had to do this and then they were burning and falling and everything hurt so much and-

Eddie didn’t even remember hitting the water. After the fire, it all went blank. Something about that felt so fucking unfair. Like maybe if he’d held on just a little bit longer, he would’ve been able to hold onto whatever was left of them. Or maybe he even would have heard or felt something that would’ve made it all fall into place, would’ve made Eddie just understand _why_ -

“Aren’t you cold?” A voice sounded from behind him. He turned to see it was none other than Anne. She stood nearby but kept careful distance from the water’s edge.

The truth, of course, was yes. Eddie was absolutely freezing. The water was so frigid that every muscle in him ached up to his shins. Eddie wasn’t about to admit that, though.

“How did you find me?” he asked instead.

Anne rolled her eyes. “I know we can’t all be investigative journalists, but it doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure out where you’d be the day this place opened up to the public again.”

“Touché.” Eddie said.

What else was he supposed to say? It was a fair point. This whole stretch of bay had been condemned for over two weeks. According to the police it was for an ‘investigation of the incident.’ Eddie was sure that was true, but also sure that a lot of the ‘investigation’ consisted of combing the water for any remains of a certain two unique specimens. Part of him wondered if they were successful, and whether the possibility filled him with joy or dread.

For a moment the two said nothing. Somewhere in the distance, sirens wailed.

“Need a ride back?” Anne offered, “Or would you rather stay there and freeze your legs off?”

Eddie looked away for a moment, back into the inky depths of the bay. He felt like if he squinted just right, the bright reflections in the water turned into sharp white teeth, and the darkness would shift and squirm like it was alive. It didn’t scare him, though. Maybe it would have been easier if it did. Right now, all it did was make him want to run, to go deeper and deeper into the water until his whole body felt numb. Until he couldn’t go back.

Eddie blinked, and the moment passed.

“... I could use a lift.”

 

—

 

The interior of Anne’s car was perfectly clean, as usual.

“So, do you want to talk about it?” Anne asked after a prolonged period of awkward silence. That was another thing that’d changed when they broke up: silences went from being comfortable to being awkward. Or maybe it was all in his head. It was hard to tell these days.

“What’s there to talk about?” Eddie said, the question spoken as more of a statement than an inquiry. If he had been taking notes of this conversation, he might’ve used an improper period instead of a question mark.

“Hm, I’m not sure. We could start small with how I just found you alone at midnight standing in the San Francisco Bay,” Anne said, a sarcastic sort of lightheartedness tinging her voice.

“Pass,” Eddie deadpanned.

“Alternately, we could go right for the jugular and talk about you know, everything else,” Anne said.

Eddie stared dumbly at the controls for the passenger seat window. For some reason, he felt the urge to fidget with them like he did when he was a kid. He didn’t.

“You don’t have to keep doing this you know. I’m sure Dan would rather you play parcheesi with him on a Wednesday night rather that fish your ex out of a river,” Eddie said bitterly.

“Parcheesi? Is that how you imagine us spending our free time? By playing parcheesi?” Anne said incredulously.

Eddie opened his mouth, but Anne cut him off before he could comment.

“Actually, don’t answer that. Is it really so out there to consider that you’re still my friend, and as your friend don’t want you to, I don’t know, catch hypothermia?”

“I would’ve been fine,” Eddie insisted.

“if you say so,” Anne said, eyes carefully glued to the road. “Look Eddie, you don’t have to talk to _me_ about anything, but it might be good to talk to _someone_. You’re just bottling everything up right now.”

“You don’t know that. I could be talking to someone,” Eddie said defensively.

“Are you, though?” Anne asked with a healthy dose of skepticism.

Got him there. “I mean, no. But I could’ve been.” Eddie knew Anne was too smart to think he had other friends, let alone friends who would take ‘I was possessed by an alien, but we saved the world so it’s cool’ in stride. Can’t blame him for trying, though.

“Eddie...” Anne began.

“I’m telling you, I’m fine, okay? Besides, what’s there to talk about anyway?” Eddie said, a slight manic edge slipping into his voice. “I met an alien, we saved the world, and now they’re gone. Happens all the time, right?”

“Yeah, nothing in that sentence worth broaching at all,” Anne deadpanned.

“Typical day,” Eddie said with faux nonchalance.

“Hm,” Anne said.

Eddie fiddled with his seatbelt. It was times like this that he wished San Francisco was a lot flatter. Anne was driving well within the speed limit, but all the sudden inclines were starting to make him feel nauseous.

“Is it fucked up that I miss them?” Eddie said suddenly.

“What?” Anne asked.

“The symbiote. Venom,” Eddie clarified. “I miss them. They just... I don’t know. There was a lot to talk about.”

“... Keep going,” Anne said cautiously.

“It’s hard to put to words.” Eddie admitted. “I feel like... when we first bonded, we became one person. Like we got so mixed up that we gave parts of ourselves to each other to make it work, and now that I’m alone again I’m missing a limb and some viscera. I miss them like that. Instinctively.”

“To be fair, you were _actually_ missing some viscera when you were together,” Anne said.

“Ha ha, very funny.”

“That wasn’t a joke Eddie.”

“I know but I’ve been thinking, and I just don’t think they were trying to hurt me?” Eddie said. “Like, yeah, I had some organ damage, but that was after stopping a bunch of bullets and bad guys and drones and also after healing all of my bones in a bike crash...”

“Wait, a bike crash?” Anne interrupted.

Eddie plowed on ahead, ignoring Anne’s confusion. “Maybe all that just made them need the energy? And once we got some food, they would’ve fixed it?”

“If you really think so Eddie,” Anne said, her tone making it clear that she really didn’t think so, Eddie.

“I’m not crazy, Anne,” Eddie said. “Come on, you must at least sort of get what I’m saying, right? They were in your head for a while too.”

“Not really” Anne admitted. “Although to be fair, they weren’t with me very long and were pretty much focused solely on getting back to you.”

“Oh,” Eddie said.

“Yeah,” Anne replied.

Eddie could tell from her posture that the topic of their little… reunion in the woods made Anne uncomfortable. That was fine. They didn’t have to talk about it just yet.

Eddie would be lying if he said he wouldn’t like to have a little more context for that moment, though. It didn’t make sense for the symbiote to have initiated the kiss, but it would make even less sense for Anne to have done it. Regardless of who’s will was the driving force behind it, the kiss had made him feel whole in a way he couldn’t quite put to words, and he found himself doubting that Anne’s presence had been the reason for that at all.

But that was only a hunch.

“I just... I think you’re remembering them as better than they were,” Anne said softly, breaking Eddie from his reverie.

“What?” Eddie said.

“They killed people, Eddie,” Anne said bluntly, “A lot of people. Sure, they were bad people, and I wouldn’t say they didn’t have it coming, but the symbiote was still dangerous. They weren’t human, Eddie.”

“I know,” Eddie said, but as he though back to the people he’d seen in all his years of reporting, he wondered if maybe that was a good thing.

“Don’t give me that look,” Anne said like she could read his mind. (She couldn’t, not like-) “I know they cared about you, and I know you two got close during the time you knew each other. But I think the fact that they... did what they did is making you sugar coat their memory, you know?”

“Sugar coat them saving the world?” Eddie said bluntly.

“Yes,” Anne said, a bit exasperated. “Because they didn’t save the world. They saved you.” Anne’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. “If there’s one thing I learned from having them in my head, it was that.”

That made Eddie freeze like a deer in headlights. He looked away.

That was the reason. That was why. Venom didn’t want to survive to see the earth, they just wanted Eddie to live. Not just survive an invasion. Not just convert oxygen for them. They only came to love earth because Eddie did.

Somewhere deep down, he already knew this, but having to face it head on _hurt_.

“I don’t… want to talk about this anymore,” Eddie said quietly. His throat felt tight. “I’m sorry.”

Anne seemed to notice this shift in demeanor and softened her tone in turn. “Don’t be, you’ve been through a lot. I just... I don’t want you to get hurt, you know?”

“I know.”

The silence returned.

Anne bit her lip. “Hey, do you want to grab coffee or something?”

“Right now?” Eddie asked.

“We both know you aren’t sleeping any time soon, might as well.”

“Got me there,” Eddie said.

“I think there’s a Starbucks down this way,” Anne muttered to herself.

“Ugh, not Starbucks,” Eddie groaned.

“Sorry mister hipster, most of your local venues are closed at this hour. Pick a better time to have an existential crisis in the water next time.”

Eddie couldn’t argue with that, especially not when his pant legs were still drenched with saltwater.

Soon enough, they were greeted with a familiar green logo. Anne pulled up to the coffeeshop.

“Could you maybe get the stuff to go? I don’t want to go in there,” Eddie said.

“Sure, what do you want?” Anne asked, already unbuckling her seatbelt.

“A large mocha,” Eddie said.

“A mocha? Really?”

“Yeah? What’s wrong with a mocha?”

“Nothing,” Anne shrugged, “You were just never a mocha person before.”

“I can change,” Eddie said.

“I know, Eddie. Be right back,” Anne said. Then she opened her car door and was off.

Eddie sat alone in the passenger seat. Other than the ambient sound of the car engine running, it was silent.

 

—

 

Anne dropped him off at his shitty apartment just shy of 1 AM. He thanked her for the ride and the coffee and then left the car without looking back. He finished his cup before he walked through his door.

He really needed to get his shit together, Eddie thought to himself. Before his impromptu trip to the bay, he’d been ‘working’ on an article for three hours and barely had a paragraph down. He needed to focus, he needed to send this in, and he needed it to be good or he wouldn’t be able to pay rent.

Eddie began shuffling through his cabinets for a snack that’d get him through what he hoped would be a writing marathon. His eyes fell on a large bag of chocolate chips. He picked the bag up, grimacing when he realized it was almost empty. Fuck, he thought. Hadn’t he just opened that today? Why was he eating so much chocolate recently?

Hunger unsatiated, he sat down to work on the article. It was about some study about how rising rates of depression may be connected to environmental concerns. A real pick-me-up, Eddie thought bitterly. Regardless, he finished it and sent the piece in a little after 4 AM, the writing gods evidently having taken mercy on him.

With that out of the way, there was nothing to keep Eddie from noticing how quiet it was.

It wasn’t a good quiet. It was a tense, ringing-in-his-ears sort of quiet.

He had this feeling a lot ever since Venom… did what they did. Although hearing the symbiote’s voice had mostly ranged from being terrifying to being annoying during their initial encounters, Eddie found himself mentally begging to hear some morbid, out of place comment, just to break the suffocating radio silence.

Somehow, he knew that even though he was exhausted, he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

It had become a tradition for him to listen to Mrs. Chen’s stupid meditation tapes through headphones on nights like this. Usually, the drone of Mandarin that he couldn’t understand was enough to lull him to sleep.

Tonight, he got through the whole tape and felt no closer to sleep. So, he played another. And another.

He slipped his headphones off, letting the silence wash over him. His ears were ringing. They were ringing when the tapes were playing too, but at least then he could pretend to ignore it.

He took a deep breath before speaking into the empty room.

“What? Nothing to say? No sly comments about how pathetic I am for this one?”

Predictably, his room did not respond.

 

—

 

Eddie passed out around noon and slept the day away.

 

—

 

He had dreams now. Not that he didn’t have dreams before, it’s just these dreams were different.

His dreams used to be strange, but a different kind of strange. Familiar people in familiar places doing odd things, or a strange warped version of their usual activities. Sometimes when he had been working on a particularly involved case about a corrupt politician or a sweatshop manager, themes of them and the suffering they caused would show through. Those dreams were usually unsettling, but it would never affect him as much as the reality would. Overall though, his dreams fell within a range: they were a collaged and slightly off-putting reflection of his waking life.

These dreams weren’t like that.

These dreams were on strange worlds which were somehow familiar and unspeakably alien.

Visually, the dreams were usually sparse. Sometimes they were pitch black, but sometimes they were colorful and clashing and disorienting in a way that reminded Eddie of a computer that wasn’t reading information correctly. If Eddie caught a glimpse of something recognizable, it usually looked like he was staring at it through a thick film.

When he did see something, it was usually a barren wasteland. The specifics would vary: sometimes a desertscape that went on for an eternity; sometimes a strange, hive-like structure that Eddie could only describe as a city that was empty and silent as a tomb; sometimes a cavern of rock formations which defied earthly logic and were drenched in a substance which his brain did not recognize yet he could  identify as blood. What remained constant through them all was the atmosphere of complete desolation. These worlds had been exploited. These worlds had to be left behind.

Usually there was nothing verbal in these dreams. No speech, nothing written anywhere, no evidence of language in a way he could understand it at all. Instead, there were images and impressions and emotions that were so strong and desperate that just recalling them made Eddie’s knees feel weak. There were usually feelings of guilt, or desperation, or loss, but most of all a feeling of all-encompassing hunger. Eddie was certain these feelings did not originate from him, but he shouldered the pain that came with them regardless. During waking hours, if the memories stuck with him, he would speculate that the world had been picked clean, and that the starvation that followed was a symptom of this. He could not think clearly enough in the dreams to attempt to prove this hypothesis.

Sometimes, the dreams would have some less cerebral elements. Sometimes, the film would lift enough for him to tell that he was sitting on the ledge of one of those strange rocky caverns with colors that his brain couldn’t process quite right.

In moments like this, he would usually notice that he was holding something that was dangling over the edge of a deep, endless abyss. He could never see what or who he was holding onto so tightly, but knew that he couldn’t let go, and that it would be the end of something important if he did. Moments like this would terrify him, since it was a long way down and he had never quite gotten used to heights, but mostly they would fill him with a sense of determination.

“You aren’t leaving yet,” He’d say to whoever it was he was anchoring, offering a gesture which felt small and so hopelessly human in such a dark, strange place.

Then he’d feel something faint, something muffled and far away but decidedly important. It was like having someone whisper a code in his ear that he didn’t know how decipher. Somehow though, instinctively, he knew what it meant.

Tonight was one such night, in which he experienced one such moment. Except this time, conscious and subconscious just barely connected, and for a split second the logical part of his brain finally knew what the message meant.

 

—

 

Eddie sat straight up in bed.

“Venom?!” He yelled before clasping a hand over his mouth.

Reality came back to him. He wasn’t on a strange, symbiote-ravaged world. He was at home in bed. He was at home in bed and so, so fucking alone.

The specific details of his dream were already fading away, leaving him with only a crushing loneliness and yearning in his chest to remember it by.

As Eddie sat alone in the dark, a restlessness began to settle into him.

He felt a strong craving for meat. But not just any meat. He craved raw meat, live meat, the thrill of a hunt made possible with an alien consciousness rested so closely against his that he couldn’t tell where it ended and he began.

Either that or... chocolate?

 

—

Eddie paced his apartment for about twenty minutes before he decided that he needed to go somewhere. He wasn’t sure where, but he needed to start moving or he would go insane.

It was 11 PM on a Thursday, and even though Eddie Brock had eaten nothing substantial in the past 24 hours he got on his bike and started to drive. His sleep schedule was already fucked anyway, he reasoned.

 Just like with the bay, he started off in no particular direction, with no destination in mind. Soon enough though, as the city melted away and was replaced with a thick forest, the way began to look familiar.

Eddie had to ditch the bike, it couldn’t handle going off road like he was about to.

Thankfully, it was once again a clear night. Branches crunched under Eddie’s feet as he walked. Moonlight filtered through the trees, casting intricate patterns that reminded Eddie of stained-glass windows.

Then, Eddie stopped walking.

It was this spot. _This_ was the spot where he’d rejoined with Venom. Two weeks ago, right here. He couldn’t explain how he knew, all the trees looked the same to him, but he did.

Somehow, it felt like something was waiting.

He put his head in his hands.

“I’m losing my fucking mind,” he mumbled to himself.

Was this just going to be his life now? Going to the last places he saw them in some frantic search for closure? That’s what this was, wasn’t it?

He shouldn’t even be here. The Life Foundation might be dismantled, but there’s no reason for a group of people trained to kill to give up such a secluded spot. He wondered just how many bodies were in these woods and shivered.

“you know, it’s kind of a dick move to string me along like this,” Eddie said before he really knew what he was saying. “I felt you burn, I _saw_ you. Nothing could’ve survived that. Well, nothing on earth at least, and presumably nothing like you either. ‘Sound and fire,’ right?

“But it’s, it’s like part of you is still here, or got left behind, and I just…” his hands were shaking now. He wished he ate something before he left.

“Not to sound like I’m trying to talk to a ghost, but just… if you’re still here just, just give me a sign ok? Please? It doesn’t have to be something big, just _something_. I know it must be scary to be on some fucking… alien planet alone in some guy you just met but we can figure something out, ok?” Eddie slumped down to his knees.

“I promise,” he said softly, feeling spent and vulnerable.   

For a moment, there was nothing. Only the ringing in his ears and the darkness of the forest.

But then, ever so slightly, the ringing lessened. In the corner of his mind, he felt something faint, something muffled and far away.

But decidedly, important.

**Author's Note:**

> I still don't really know what this is or how it fits into canon (if at all) but I guess if you made it this far it doesn't really matter.
> 
> Title is from Open Your Eyes by STRFKR. Admittedly it's not super related, but it's a nice song.
> 
> P.S. I don't drink coffee and don't know how Starbucks works. There's probably a 24 hour one out there somewhere, right?


End file.
